Posting a picture on a family Whatsapp of a sunlit hammock overlooking rolling countryside, the question came back; 'where are you!?'
'I'm having a relaxing break in Croydon,' I replied.
It was no joke. While our satnav had brought us through the high-rise landscape of central Croydon, we were soon passing through leafier suburbs, and turning onto the forecourt of a former golfing hotel set in 200 acres on the Surrey fringes.
Back in 1970 Ted Heath gathered his shadow cabinet here before the General Election to devise a Tory manifesto which was attacked by Labour for appealing to 'Selsdon Man'.
The last round was played at the Selsdon Park Hotel in late 2021, and the course dating back to the 1920s, has been rewilded, with butterflies now flitting across overgrown bunkers.
Birch (Selsdon) is a sister hotel to the successful North London members club and 'community' in Hertfordshire, and appeals to a perhaps cooler set of urbanites and just-moved-out-of-Londers than the mythical Selsdon Man.
Times move on and hipster obsessions with crafting, wild swimming and sustainability have filtered into all our lives. Guests and Birch members can enjoy yoga, pottery, art classes, foraging, or Friday night DJs. The art deco inspired Lido should be just about ready, and grass paths mown through the former fairways direct you on glorious walks through the grounds.
The overhaul is most obvious in the decor, the 150-bed hotel was once a Victorian country house in Jacobean style, and they have waved a casual-chic wand over it with deep blue, olive green, and coral orange hues, wooden floors and comfy sofas in natural recycled fabrics.
The whole vibe is of unstuffy contemporary style. It really is child and dog friendly. Our kids certainly felt welcomed by the lovely staff before settling into comfy bunk beds in our family room. A door led into a walled garden where swingball and volleyball were set out, and we watched them play while sipping a Birch beer.
Through a gap in the wall, we followed a path to a vast terrace set out with giant bean bags where you can order a nettle cocktail while enjoying the view - or even swing in a well appointed hammock.
Vervain is one of two restaurants overseen by Michelin starred chef Lee Westcott. The seasonal modern British all day menu is high quality but accessible. A chicken terrine came with a terrific reduction of black garlic, and red onion marmalade. My cured chalk stream trout was a delicate confecion of firm fish, crunchy pickled cucumber and fennel, and herb infused buttermilk.
The burger was a well considered take on a perennial favourite with Lancashire cheddar, chipotle relish and rustly skin on fries. A dry aged beef sirloin was impeccabbly cooked with a spicy peppercorn sauce, and a rotisserie herb fed half chicken with roasted aoli and lemon was comfort food at its best.
The same could also be said of the sticky toffee pudding that followed.
After dinner we visited a loony but fun pop up art installation courtesy of Joy Bomb where a shy but affable Panda had set up a shop of quirky toys.
Both Birches are all about unplugging and relaxing, and while there are no TVs in the rooms, there's an arcade with table football, darts and a Switch which the kids enjoyed, and a vast screening room where families can watch movies settled in squashy bean bags.
On our way to breakfast next morning we startled a deer in the park, and started to feel that this place was something special. Breakfast was a la carte and cooked to order rather than a buffet, so we all got what we wanted whether it was a top notch flat white, scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, or a full English.
Our two-hour pottery class with Graham in the ceramic studio involved making thumb and slab pots and exploring our creativity. I made a mug and a bowl imprinted with wild flowers, while the kids sculpted self portraits out of clay.
You fill out your address and they will glaze, fire and post your efforts back to you. We could equally have chosen a rewilding session where kids are encuoraged to get their hands dirty in nature.
You can scoff at the middle-classness of it all, make jokes about Croydon, or if you are a golfer, lament the demise of the 18 hole course. But Birch has reinvented the country house hotel for modern Metropolitan tastes, and it's a lovely laid back place to stay.
Rooms at Birch Selsdon start at £140 for a Snug room which includes access to the co-working space, gym and free classes, workshops.
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